Rant!

I’ve not been so good lately. The new anti-depressants make me exhausted by tea time and I’m falling asleep by eight; I don’t even remember going to bed, I’m that tired. I literally feel like half my life has been taken from me because my evenings are being stolen by sleep.

Bear works and doesn’t get home till six most nights, we eat tea and I put the baby bears to bed then Bam! I’m waking up at midnight, just as hes going to bed. I’ve slept away the only time I have with him and all the time I should have been cleaning too; the house is a complete tip and I’m getting angrier and angrier about it all.

I never realised how much housework I did between teatime and bed. Granted its mostly just tidying around and stacking pots but this one thing that Im now missing out on because Im sleeping is grinding me down and really getting to me. No-one else is picking up the slack and Im just not getting it done.

I have never understood how anyone, man, woman or child, can live in a house and never clean or tidy. My lot don’t seem to even notice the mess anymore and if they do I’m sure they just assume Ill get to it, eventually. No-one cares that I’m struggling with it all, especially at the moment and it all just gets left for me to sort out.

I’m so angry with myself for being in this state. My stupid mental health cant stay stable without medication and the meds are killing me off slowly, one sleep at a time. I’m angry no-one is seeing how bad things are getting in the house and I’m angry that no-one is helping out at all, even when I ask. I’m just angry.

I need a fairy house cleaner and a bottle of motivation. Or a miracle.