A Battle Began

Written in response to #WOTD, #Let it Bleed A battle began inside of meSuch a long, long time agoThe battles never left meNo matter how I grow I've aged in time and wisdomBut as yet I am still boundThe battle rages on insideNo peace for me is found I am at peace in natureBut I... Continue Reading →

Nothingness.

I stare at the screen in the hopes that something will come to me but nothing does, the medication has killed me. I have no creativity left. Nothing stirs in my brain, the neurons dulled by the high doses of anti depressants and morphine till nothing fires right anymore and I am lost once again.I... Continue Reading →

Choices

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. 13/12/19. A belated attempt at writing today, my brain wont get moving and my minds gone astray.I need to oust the angst I feel as I sit here with my pen, and address the thoughts and feelings that speed in and out again.My head is full... Continue Reading →

I used to be…

Written in response to #WOTD & #YDWP I used to be quite loquacious when I were younger, a little too verbose some may have said but I always had something to say on any given subject. Nowadays I struggle to string two words together most days and my mind has a blankness only the heavily... Continue Reading →

10/11/19

Dear diary. Two years ago today I was sat in a hospital room watching the last of my Lee's life slip away, knowing there wasnt a thing I could do to prevent it. No matter how much I cried, prayed, pleaded. There wasnt a thing that could save him. I look back and try to... Continue Reading →

Does it?

Written in response to #YDWP & #FOWC. 1/11/19. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Its a strange old adage and one that makes no sense to me at all. An occurrence doesn't make you stronger just because you have lived through it. I don't feel any stronger for having lived through the things I... Continue Reading →

Just holding it together.

Written in response to #Wotd, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Today the voices are loud in my mind again. All the questions being asked in cacophony together, never easing up and I fear a return to the old days when my head ruled my life and near tore me apart. I know the mechanisms now tho,... Continue Reading →

I need to get a grip!

Written in response to #WotD, #YDWP & FOWC. My heart is like glass of late, one small knock and it would shatter into a million pieces. I feel weak and delicate, as if someone has stolen all of my strength and replaced it with nothing.Too many things have happened, the list goes on and on... Continue Reading →

A poem, or two.

Written in response to #WotD & #Daily Addictions. 9/10/19. Qualms Quite aware of all my flawsUnsure of what to doAbout all of the Little thingsMe, I have no clue! Sea - A Haiku Shimmering soft sandEach grain diamonds in the roughAtopped ' mighty waves.

8/10/19

Dear diary Nightmares again! I don't know if it's the medication or the mental health issues that are causing it but it's always the same theme and always wakes me anxious and afraid. It only ever happens if I manage to sleep for more than a few hours at a time and it puzzles me... Continue Reading →

5/10/19

Dear diary. The weekends been as big a wash out as the weather's been! Bear has spent all friday and Saturday night out at friends leaving me sat by myself for two nights straight and this evenings going to be much the same I think. Bears youngest is coming for tea today and the kids... Continue Reading →

Should I just quit??

I dont know if I should do this anymore. I started writing because it helped centre my thoughts, it was good therapy. But now I'm lost with it all. I've lost my capacity to write anything worth reading and I'm becoming disappointed with myself on an almost daily basis. My family dont support my writing... Continue Reading →

Lost again.

Written in response to #YDWP. 25/9/19. Lost again. I need to talk to someone But I don’t know what to say I don’t know what I’m feeling Or why I feel this way I feel so lost and empty Sat here with my pen, alone But I can’t talk to anyone Not online, by pen... Continue Reading →

24/9/19

Dear Diary. I think I've finally found the right time to take my medication! Yay! Contrary to all the advice I was given about them causing insomnia if taken later in the day, I'm taking them right before bed and I'm sleeping kinda OK; for me. Just goes to show that the recommendations aren't always... Continue Reading →

22/9/19

Dear Diary The Bears and I have had our annual eye test this week and all three of us now need to wear glasses full time. BB3 has his already but little miss has to attend the eye hospital first due to her young age but will likely be getting her glasses within the next... Continue Reading →

17/9/19.

Dear Diary. Guess who fell asleep at seven again last night?! I'm beginning to think I may never get this medication right and they may have to change me to something else. That's the last thing I want because besides the sleepiness issue Aripiprazole has been a wonder drug for me. I felt really bad... Continue Reading →

Zen/tangled!

As any of you who follow regularly will know, I have developed an obsession with meditative artworks of late; mandala's and zentangle to be precise. I found these art forms a few years back and have never really gotten into them as I wrongly thought that they take time and patience to complete, something I... Continue Reading →

5/9/19.

Dear diary. I made it through my first day back being alone and didnt go completely nutty! Yay! It took me a few hours to get my head around being alone and in silence but I cranked on the mix tapes and the headphones and cracked on with the housework. I ran out of things... Continue Reading →

Empty shoes.

written in response to #YDWP. 3/9/19. Empty shoes Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up one by one Each representative Of a life that was done With lost families and jobs With lost hope and the longings For something more than they had The lost pride and belongings Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up... Continue Reading →

30/8/19.

Dear diary. I'm going to have to move this post to a morning as I keep falling asleep before writing on an evening! Yesterday I slept most of the evening in my computer chair before finally going to bed at about midnight. These new tablets they have put me on are killing me. Poor bear... Continue Reading →

28/8/19

Dear diary. Had my friend round today for a few hours for coffee and a catch up which was nice. It's not often friends get a chance to come round now most of them work and I dont. Its sucky. I'm grateful to those that bother with me regardless of how much shit I've put... Continue Reading →

He be nimble.

written in response to #YDWP. 27/8/19. He be nimble. I get up this morning And what do I see A man, mad and angry And coming at me What did I do? I can not recall Although I suspect Nothing at all He be nimble He be quick He comes at me With a candlestick... Continue Reading →

24/8/19

Dear diary. The day started in the best possible way, with smiles and giggles from MB1. Her and BB1 stayed the night, a messy experience but worth it for the 7am snuggles I had with little miss whilst BB1 had a few hours lie in. I'm now sat in a wood somewhere staring into a... Continue Reading →

Bloodline

Written in response to the following prompt challenges. #WOTD, #YDWP, #Saturday mix, #SoCS If you enjoy my entry don't forget to go check out the link pages and everyone elses entries too. Happy reading. Bloodline At five to midnight on the twelfth it all started. There was a bright, translucent full moon and Jock was... Continue Reading →

The West World Heist.

Written in response to the following challenges... #WotD, #YDWP, #August Writing Prompts, #RDP If you enjoy reading my entry then why not pop on over to the link pages and check out some of the others entries too; maybe even have a go yourself. Happy reading folks. xx The West World Heist. Everyone thought he... Continue Reading →

21/8/19

Dear diary. Post holiday malaise has set in already and I'm wishing I were anywhere but home again. It's that bad that we already have plans to go camping this weekend with bears boy and my two. I wonder sometimes if I were born into the wrong life because it seems like the more comfort... Continue Reading →

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