TMI Revisited.

A while ago I wrote a post titled TMI, about my attendance at my annual smear test. Well, Ive had the results back and all is not as it should be! My results have come back that I have HPV, the virus that can cause cervical cancer and I am absolutely bricking it! I have... Continue Reading →

16/9/19.

Dear Diary. Its official... I'm an anomaly! Not that I didn't now that I wasn't normal or anything but I'm now officially being written up as an example of when medication does what it isn't supposed to do. I had my medication review as planned yesterday and the outcome is that they have put me... Continue Reading →

15/9/19.

Dear Diary. Well Its D-Day for the medication review! They had better sort out this mess they have me in or I'm going on strike and refusing to medicate; this has gone too far now. Yesterday we had Bears youngest lad over for Sunday dinner and guess who fell asleep by seven o'clock? Yup, that... Continue Reading →

TMI!?

Written in response to #YDWP & #FOWC. 10/9/19 So today is smear test (pap smear) day! I did say it was TMI! I don't think any man can ever appreciate the things us ladies have to go through in our lifetimes. As if child birth isn't bad enough they make us have regular flue inspections... Continue Reading →

How Bizarre!

Written in response to #WotD. 3/9/19. So Im just sat here, happily blogging away and BAM! Out of nowhere Im being sick, and I mean properly sick. I didn't feel sick before hand and I don't feel at all ill after the event but WOW, that was intense. I haven't even eaten any breakfast or... Continue Reading →

31/8/19

Dear diary. Its 3am and I'm up! These meds have got to go! They're making me more depressed by messing with my sleep patterns. I cant be awake half the night and sleeping all evening, this just isn't on! I wish I could pinpoint exactly which meds are interacting with each other to cause this... Continue Reading →

X = X-RAYS

X = X-RAYS. LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 24/7/19 I have never had much luck when it comes to my health and well-being. Right from being little I have always been in and out of hospital for one problem or another; or some accident I've had. By the time I was ten I had been... Continue Reading →

Satisfaction at last!

Weekly Prompts - Photo Challenge - Satisfaction Five years ago I wasn't just a different person on the inside, so much so that people I knew back then don't recognize me if I see them nowadays. I have always struggled with my weight; always been on the heavier side of the fence and always fought... Continue Reading →

P = PARANOIA

P = PARANOIA. LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 16/7/19 Paranoia is terrifying. I have suffered with it to varying degrees for the majority of my adult life and only recently, with my EUPD diagnosis, have I come to understand it a little better. My whole life I have just assumed that everyone thought the way... Continue Reading →

K = KIDS.

LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 11/7/19 My Kids are my world. I know, I say that an aweful lot but the simple fact is that they are. And I don't mean that just from a mothers perspective, I say that from the perspective of a mentally ill person who knows that her children are her... Continue Reading →

J = JEALOUSY.

Your Daily Word Prompt, Word of the Day Challenge & LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 10/7/19 Morning xx As I sit here contemplating the word itself I accept that I suffer at the hands of the green eyed monster a fair bit more than is really necessary. One of the most irritating aspects of this... Continue Reading →

E = EUPD.

LillBlu’s A to Z challenge. Your Daily Word Prompt. Word of the Day Challenge. 5/7/19. Emotionally incontinent, that's me! I can't go a day without breaking down and crying over the merest thing, the world shies away from me because of it and my life becomes an Eternity of loneliness. People I once called my best friends... Continue Reading →

Baby Bear Update.

Well, that's him under... There is nothing more frightening than the moment your baby goes limp in your arms, even when you know it's meant to happen. I've done nothing but sob since and the wait for him to come back from recovery is already agonising. I really hope everything comes back ok. I miss... Continue Reading →

Baby bear goes to hospital.

So... Today is the day I have been fighting for since baby bear was tiny, he finally gets to have the exploratory investigation he's been waiting for for the last 6 years. When BB3 was born he wasn't quite right! Most parents will understand the joys of newborn nappies, he was my 3rd surviving baby... Continue Reading →

Some days!

Some days you just can't win no matter what you do. My neighbours hate me for stuff I haven't even done to them. My older kids only want me when they want or need something; they spend more time falling out with me than not. My little kids won't do anything I ask of them,... Continue Reading →

Medicated.

Word of the Day Challenge & Your Daily Word Prompt. PENANCE. PLENITUDE. STOLID. 7/6/19.   I have a 3 in 1 for you this morning as im short on time around appointments and housework. Ill be back on form in the morning when there are no school runs to worry about. Lxx   Penance. Plenitude.... Continue Reading →

A bit about EUPD.

Frission. Daily word prompt. 2/6/19.                 I know this feeling; fission. I know it with an intensity above what is normal. Most of you know I have EUPD/BPD, but do any of you know how this condition and attachment issues go hand in hand? Do any of you... Continue Reading →

Difficult.

Difficult. Daily word prompt. 1/6/19.   Difficult! That's me! I am a difficult person to understand, get along with and love. I've had a difficult life and I don't expect it will get any easier as time goes on because I make things difficult for myself without even trying; simply by being me!  It's difficult, trying... Continue Reading →

If you shake me, I rattle!

Weekly Prompts Photo Challenge. 1/6/19. WHITE.   WHITE. White. Pink & White. White & White. White & White. Yellow. White & white! It sounds like a really bad rap tune, sung by a weedy white guy. My life is ruled by white! I can't move without white! My tummy would bleed without white! My head... Continue Reading →

Who am I?

Silence. Daily word prompt. 28/5/19   My life has been lived in relative silence, She and I are old friends. Below is a paper I wrote for an intercultural communication assignment I was set this past term at university; and the best way I can think of to explain my affinity with the word Silence.... Continue Reading →

Defeated

What is the point in living, if we all know we're going to die? Why does new life make us happy? Why does death make us cry? Why do wake up in the morning, just to go back to bed at night? Why do we work to earn our money, just to save it out... Continue Reading →

The battle.

Life isn't meant to be this complicated or difficult is it? When does it start to slow off a little? When do I get to have a little ease for a while? I feel like I'm fighting all the time. My body has been failing me for as long as I can remember and my... Continue Reading →

What is there left?

I can't scream for help any longer. I'm too tired. I can't cling onto the shreds of a life I'll never have and long for someone to hold me and never let me go. I can't keep hoping to get better when there isn't any help available or anyone who cares. I've been strong for... Continue Reading →

Will I ever?

Will I ever be anything more than that scared little girl, hiding under the bed so the monster cant get to me? Am I ever going to be anything more than the outsider, that no one wants around? Will I ever be more than the fat kid with braces who no one admits to being... Continue Reading →

I’m still here!

So much has happened in the last year and a bit, it's hard to know where to start. 16 months have past since my last post and I feel like I've just woke from a dream of a life I'll never have. I didn't stay single too long! (Its a problem, I know!) I had... Continue Reading →

So proud of myself!

Day 4 of Aussie flu and the fevers finally broke. Unfortunately so did the toilet! But there I was layed on the bathroom floor, up to my armpit in the soil pipe, hand scooping rivers of shit and baby wipes my darling lil bears have flushed. I had a meltdown and cried that I had... Continue Reading →

Aussie flu

Good luck to anyone who has it. Try to stay hydrated as much as possible the NHS says. They don't tell you how to cope on your own with 3 kids tho which is the advice I really could do with right now.

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