Dear diary. Two years ago today I was sat in a hospital room watching the last of my Lee's life slip away, knowing there wasnt a thing I could do to prevent it. No matter how much I cried, prayed, pleaded. There wasnt a thing that could save him. I look back and try to... Continue Reading →


Dear diary Apologies for being offline yesterday, I needed a day to recharge my brain and body. I'm still here though. And I'm still full of cold. Bear and I are slowly recovering. Gladly, the baby bears havnt picked up the bug too and are their usual high octane selves. Full of it! I love... Continue Reading →


Dear diary Day five dawns but the cold I have rages on. I'm sure my immune systems fighting as hard as it can but it doesn't seem to be winning the war just yet, as my streaming nose will attest. So far the bears seem to have missed this round of the sniffles, much to... Continue Reading →


Dear diary My cold rages on and shows no sign of abating anytime soon. I have a fever and chills to go along with a chest that feels like it's full of soup and that's making me cough till I'm sick! My bones hurt and I have the headache from hell too. But nothing stops... Continue Reading →

TMI Revisited.

A while ago I wrote a post titled TMI, about my attendance at my annual smear test. Well, Ive had the results back and all is not as it should be! My results have come back that I have HPV, the virus that can cause cervical cancer and I am absolutely bricking it! I have... Continue Reading →


Dear diary This cold I've caught is battering me, good and proper! My sinuses are on fire, my nose wont stop dripping and I ache absolutely everywhere. And that doesnt even remotely cover all my gripes, I also cant breathe very well and cant stop coughing either; which is giving me a really nice headache... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. Guess who's woken up with a cold?!? Yup that's me. Which means in about a weeks time I'm gunna need antibiotics to combat a chest infection as it always goes that way for me. Just what I dont need at the moment as bear isn't feeling on best form as he has toothache... Continue Reading →

Just holding it together.

Written in response to #Wotd, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Today the voices are loud in my mind again. All the questions being asked in cacophony together, never easing up and I fear a return to the old days when my head ruled my life and near tore me apart. I know the mechanisms now tho,... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. Little man is bback to sleeping badly again. He was up by half past four this morning and is now playing Lego in his bedroom, waiting for morning to start. I feel so bad making him go back to his room but I cant seem to get it into his head that dark... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. Living with this earache is becoming a problem to say the least. I have antibiotics to start today and I'm hoping that I'll get some relief soon because the pressure in the ear keeps making me sick now on top of everything else. I'm fed up of moaning about being ill. I'm sick... Continue Reading →


Dear diary Doctor has given me a diagnosis of perforation of the ear drum! Yay! It will take up to three months to heal properly and I'm on antibiotics because its infected. Just what I need right now. Total deafness on my good side and I cant wear my hearing aid till it's all stopped... Continue Reading →


Dear diary My ear is now a river of puss and blood flowing from the side of my head and I'm at doctors in 2 hours! I feel like I'm running a fever in all honesty, I'm sweating but cold and feel shaky with it although the pain has gone, oddly enough. I just feel... Continue Reading →

A trip to the hospital

Written by guest writer BB3. Hello, my name is Baby Bear 3, LillBlu1981's only son. I am 8 years old.Mum has let me write a post for her blog and I wanted to write about the operation I had a few months ago. The reason I had an operation is because I was born with... Continue Reading →

Empty shoes.

written in response to #YDWP. 3/9/19. Empty shoes Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up one by one Each representative Of a life that was done With lost families and jobs With lost hope and the longings For something more than they had The lost pride and belongings Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up... Continue Reading →

How Bizarre!

Written in response to #WotD. 3/9/19. So Im just sat here, happily blogging away and BAM! Out of nowhere Im being sick, and I mean properly sick. I didn't feel sick before hand and I don't feel at all ill after the event but WOW, that was intense. I haven't even eaten any breakfast or... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. I'm going to have to move this post to a morning as I keep falling asleep before writing on an evening! Yesterday I slept most of the evening in my computer chair before finally going to bed at about midnight. These new tablets they have put me on are killing me. Poor bear... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. I think I'm getting a cold! Started with a tickle in my throat this morning and now I have headache and am coughing. I'm hoping it's just latent hayfever but I have nagging doubts. Oh well. Orange juice and tissues at the ready. I'm off to bed to nurse my sorrows Night all.... Continue Reading →

An open rhyme.

Written in response to #YDWP & #WotD daily challenges. Untitled... You’re contentious and dissentious Pretentious, not conscientious Abstentious and dissentious You’ve made yourself this way, you see. You’re relentless, I defenceless It’s all momentous and tremendous How stupendous and horrendous does This situation have to be? You sit and lecture and gesture Whilst I sit... Continue Reading →


Being alone is awful. Nothing to stimulate the senses, no-one to break the endless silences. Nothing to do but ponder co-operation with anyone and nothing to enrich your days but radio, TV or books; no cohabiting companions to change the pace a little. Loneliness isn't just the plight of the elderly; it isn't something that... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. I need to snap out of this funk I'm in, it's no good! I'm sick of feeling shitty about myself and everything about me and I'm sick of not being able to put my mind to anything. I just want to get on with stuff but I seem mired in thought and completely... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. I dont know what's wrong with me today? I felt the fog descend at about lunchtime and I havnt been able to shake off the feelings of emptiness and doubt since. I dont even know what's wrong to have set this off, I just seem to have fallen off the edge of somewhere... Continue Reading →


Dear diary. Another long and fruitful day... The garden is almost complete and after three years it's about time too. We are finally able to walk from one end to the other without getting attacked by weeds and overgrown grass or falling over some random rubbish from the ex husbands hobbies. All the scrap metal... Continue Reading →

A Confession.

Word of the Day Challenge. 18/6/19. DEAL. A Confession. So today I'm feeling a little nostalgic (this is my second post about my past) and so I thought I would give you a little insight into the person I used to be; the one that helped shape me into the person I am today. Looking... Continue Reading →

Baby Bear Update.

Well, that's him under... There is nothing more frightening than the moment your baby goes limp in your arms, even when you know it's meant to happen. I've done nothing but sob since and the wait for him to come back from recovery is already agonising. I really hope everything comes back ok. I miss... Continue Reading →

Baby bear goes to hospital.

So... Today is the day I have been fighting for since baby bear was tiny, he finally gets to have the exploratory investigation he's been waiting for for the last 6 years. When BB3 was born he wasn't quite right! Most parents will understand the joys of newborn nappies, he was my 3rd surviving baby... Continue Reading →

I’m still here!

So much has happened in the last year and a bit, it's hard to know where to start. 16 months have past since my last post and I feel like I've just woke from a dream of a life I'll never have. I didn't stay single too long! (Its a problem, I know!) I had... Continue Reading →

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