In the twilight hours.

Written in response to #WOTD, 6/12/19 In the twilight hours I wake from fitful sleepto an emptiness that never leaves me. It pervades my waking hours and saps my strength from melike candy from a little childleaving me bereftwantinghoping for something more than this So I prey and I hopefor anythingsomethingbut all I ever find... Continue Reading →

10/11/19

Dear diary. Two years ago today I was sat in a hospital room watching the last of my Lee's life slip away, knowing there wasnt a thing I could do to prevent it. No matter how much I cried, prayed, pleaded. There wasnt a thing that could save him. I look back and try to... Continue Reading →

5/10/19

Dear diary. The weekends been as big a wash out as the weather's been! Bear has spent all friday and Saturday night out at friends leaving me sat by myself for two nights straight and this evenings going to be much the same I think. Bears youngest is coming for tea today and the kids... Continue Reading →

Should I just quit??

I dont know if I should do this anymore. I started writing because it helped centre my thoughts, it was good therapy. But now I'm lost with it all. I've lost my capacity to write anything worth reading and I'm becoming disappointed with myself on an almost daily basis. My family dont support my writing... Continue Reading →

20/9/19

Dear Diary. I took my medication a little earlier and guess what... By nine o'clock I was snoring again! It seems to be that I can't take the damned things before lunch if I hope to be able to stay awake in an evening. One o'clock seems to be the cut off hour! I've got... Continue Reading →

11/9/19

Dear diary Slept like a baby... I Woke up every few hours! This has got to change and fast as I cant keep going on like this. Sleep is the most important thing for me with my depression, if I don't get good sleep I get hit by the most awful waves of depression the... Continue Reading →

10/9/19

Dear Diary I'm staring at the keyboard and I honestly don't know what to write; my head is so full of stuff but I don't know where to start with processing it all. I'm not sleeping well again with constant waking up and bad dreams. I don't know if its the medication or what but... Continue Reading →

The face in the mirror.

Written in response to #WotD. 10/9/19 The face in the mirror. I miss the youthful complexion That no longer stares at me When I look into the mirror An old woman do I see Hair snow white, thin and bare Wrinkles now appearing there Body lost to wrack and ruin Old age is fast accruing... Continue Reading →

6/9/19.

Dear Diary. Yesterday was awful! No housework to get stuck into, no laundry, no errands to run, no kids at home; nadda! By the time Bear got home mid afternoon I was about ready to tear my hair out I was so bored. I hate days like that, where I have nothing to do but... Continue Reading →

Empty shoes.

written in response to #YDWP. 3/9/19. Empty shoes Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up one by one Each representative Of a life that was done With lost families and jobs With lost hope and the longings For something more than they had The lost pride and belongings Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up... Continue Reading →

28/8/19

Dear diary. Had my friend round today for a few hours for coffee and a catch up which was nice. It's not often friends get a chance to come round now most of them work and I dont. Its sucky. I'm grateful to those that bother with me regardless of how much shit I've put... Continue Reading →

He be nimble.

written in response to #YDWP. 27/8/19. He be nimble. I get up this morning And what do I see A man, mad and angry And coming at me What did I do? I can not recall Although I suspect Nothing at all He be nimble He be quick He comes at me With a candlestick... Continue Reading →

24/8/19

Dear diary. The day started in the best possible way, with smiles and giggles from MB1. Her and BB1 stayed the night, a messy experience but worth it for the 7am snuggles I had with little miss whilst BB1 had a few hours lie in. I'm now sat in a wood somewhere staring into a... Continue Reading →

23/8/19

Dear diary. BB1 & MB1 are over today and tomorrow so the house is back to utter chaos again. It's the last thing I need really is house guests when I'm feeling as unpeopley as I am. I've had so much mental strength sapped from me lately that I actually feel close to collapse im... Continue Reading →

21/8/19

Dear diary. Post holiday malaise has set in already and I'm wishing I were anywhere but home again. It's that bad that we already have plans to go camping this weekend with bears boy and my two. I wonder sometimes if I were born into the wrong life because it seems like the more comfort... Continue Reading →

An open rhyme.

Written in response to #YDWP & #WotD daily challenges. Untitled... You’re contentious and dissentious Pretentious, not conscientious Abstentious and dissentious You’ve made yourself this way, you see. You’re relentless, I defenceless It’s all momentous and tremendous How stupendous and horrendous does This situation have to be? You sit and lecture and gesture Whilst I sit... Continue Reading →

Loneliness.

Being alone is awful. Nothing to stimulate the senses, no-one to break the endless silences. Nothing to do but ponder co-operation with anyone and nothing to enrich your days but radio, TV or books; no cohabiting companions to change the pace a little. Loneliness isn't just the plight of the elderly; it isn't something that... Continue Reading →

13/8/19.

Dear diary. I need to snap out of this funk I'm in, it's no good! I'm sick of feeling shitty about myself and everything about me and I'm sick of not being able to put my mind to anything. I just want to get on with stuff but I seem mired in thought and completely... Continue Reading →

12/8/19.

Dear diary. I dont know what's wrong with me today? I felt the fog descend at about lunchtime and I havnt been able to shake off the feelings of emptiness and doubt since. I dont even know what's wrong to have set this off, I just seem to have fallen off the edge of somewhere... Continue Reading →

11/8/19.

Dear diary. Another long and fruitful day... The garden is almost complete and after three years it's about time too. We are finally able to walk from one end to the other without getting attacked by weeds and overgrown grass or falling over some random rubbish from the ex husbands hobbies. All the scrap metal... Continue Reading →

10/8/19

Dear diary. What a day? I'm exhausted! My butt hasn't hit the ground all day and I've had no time to write at all. BB1 and MB1 have only just gone home but we have done loads today with BB1s help. She watched her brother and sister whilst Bear and I completely gutted the garden.... Continue Reading →

9/9/19

Dear diary. The weather has been much like my mood all day! English Summertime! BB1 let me have MB1 for the day whilst she was out at appointments and so I've been on Gamma/Momma Bear duties all day long; and my house certainly reflects this! I have the pair of them overnight and tomorrow too... Continue Reading →

8/8/19

Dear diary. Today she came over for the day and we had a go with the tattoo kit. Not a bad attempt considering I'm not a professional by any stretch of the imagination and it still needs completing tomorrow evening around the eyes. It's been a long but enjoyable day and I'm glad I have... Continue Reading →

E = EUPD.

LillBlu’s A to Z challenge. Your Daily Word Prompt. Word of the Day Challenge. 5/7/19. Emotionally incontinent, that's me! I can't go a day without breaking down and crying over the merest thing, the world shies away from me because of it and my life becomes an Eternity of loneliness. People I once called my best friends... Continue Reading →

FED UP!

I need help!   Being a housewife is easy, if you’ve ever been taught the skills. Being a cook, cleaner, maid, laundry assistant, handyman and nanny is easy if you know how. Running a house is simple, if you have a clean slate and proper routines right from the start. Running a family isn’t hard... Continue Reading →

The Warning.

Your Daily Word Prompt. 19/6/19. Admonish. THE WARNING   Go back upstairs, go back to bed! She admonished for the 10th time, you can’t need the toilet again, can you? Well, everything’s just fine. You don’t need anything else to eat, can you listen to what I’ve said? you don’t need another drink and there... Continue Reading →

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