14/2/20

Dear Diary I dont know what to say about today! Its supposed to be a day filled with love and happiness, a day to show your partner how much you love them and to spoil them a bit but not in my house. In my house valentines day has always been a tricky one for... Continue Reading →

A Battle Began

Written in response to #WOTD, #Let it Bleed A battle began inside of meSuch a long, long time agoThe battles never left meNo matter how I grow I've aged in time and wisdomBut as yet I am still boundThe battle rages on insideNo peace for me is found I am at peace in natureBut I... Continue Reading →

I don’t, I can’t, I won’t!

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Making the decision to cut someone toxic out of your life should be an easy decision to make, but not when its your first born child its not! Its one of the hardest choices Ive ever had to make and goes against everything I believe about... Continue Reading →

Lost again

Written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP. I'm lost again and falling and I know not what to doI'm ill, I'm sad, I'm empty and I'm sick of feeling blueI'm hopeless, useless, feckless and a hell of a lot more besideI'm coping less and less each day and all I want to do is hideI'm fed... Continue Reading →

The conversation I never got to have.

Written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions, #MLMM Sunday writing prompt. When my Lee died I had no one to offer me advice, my own Grandmother passing when I were fourteen years old, leaving me with no grandparents at all. This is a conversation I would have loved to have been able to... Continue Reading →

Memories

written in response to #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. 15/12/19 Did you ever ride a tea tray down the stairs as a child? I did; and suitcases too. I remember my brother and I sitting our little sister on a tray and letting her go bouncing down each step, giggling her little head off as she... Continue Reading →

In the twilight hours.

Written in response to #WOTD, 6/12/19 In the twilight hours I wake from fitful sleepto an emptiness that never leaves me. It pervades my waking hours and saps my strength from melike candy from a little childleaving me bereftwantinghoping for something more than this So I prey and I hopefor anythingsomethingbut all I ever find... Continue Reading →

Its sad.

written in response to #WOTD, #FOWC & #Daily Addictions. Its sad, watching someone throw their life away because they cant keep themselves on an even keel with their mental health or their life in general. You keep hoping that one day they will awake and realise what a catastrophic mess they are making of everything... Continue Reading →

24/10/19

Dear diary My backs still buggered, I'm still having nightmares and uni is still stressing me out but I'm ok. I have to keep telling myself that! Fear has become the biggest problem in my life at the moment. Not the various things that are causing it, the fear itself is the problem and I... Continue Reading →

Time to say goodbye.

Written in response to #YDWP & #WotD. 21/10/19. In three weeks time it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my Lee and not a day goes by where I dont think about the happy times we had together. We have been apart now longer than we ever were together but the... Continue Reading →

Home?

Written in response to #Daily Addiction. 16/10/19 A sadness has spread across me today and my home doesnt feel like my home any more as I pack up the last of her things. Its hard to believe that she is gone and will never again beam her broadest smile at me; never again melt my... Continue Reading →

The end of things.

Written in response to #YDWP, #FOWC & #Daily Addictions. It was a bitter end to my marriage, full of acrimony and heartache but it had to come to an end for all our sake. I took my vows very seriously when I walked down the aisle and pledged myself to him. Little did I know... Continue Reading →

26/9/19

Dear diary. The seasons have certainly changed now. Back to waking up and going to bed in the dark again and the inevitable return of S.A.D. It only occurred to me about an hour ago that this could be the reason for my malaise over the last few weeks; the season has changed and with... Continue Reading →

Lost again.

Written in response to #YDWP. 25/9/19. Lost again. I need to talk to someone But I don’t know what to say I don’t know what I’m feeling Or why I feel this way I feel so lost and empty Sat here with my pen, alone But I can’t talk to anyone Not online, by pen... Continue Reading →

21/9/19.

Dear Diary. I hate medication. I hate the effects they have on me. And I hate the effect its having on everyone else too. Im really fed up now. As from tomorrow Im taking the damed things as late as possible, I don't care if I become an insomniac; I am never falling asleep at... Continue Reading →

20/9/19

Dear Diary. I took my medication a little earlier and guess what... By nine o'clock I was snoring again! It seems to be that I can't take the damned things before lunch if I hope to be able to stay awake in an evening. One o'clock seems to be the cut off hour! I've got... Continue Reading →

The face in the mirror.

Written in response to #WotD. 10/9/19 The face in the mirror. I miss the youthful complexion That no longer stares at me When I look into the mirror An old woman do I see Hair snow white, thin and bare Wrinkles now appearing there Body lost to wrack and ruin Old age is fast accruing... Continue Reading →

8/9/19.

Dear Diary. How do normal parents cope with the demands their older children place on them because I struggle with my eldest two like you wouldnt believe. Currently neither of the eldest two bears are speaking to me, and both for almost identical reasons. Their boyfriends! Its fair to say that I do not get... Continue Reading →

Regrets, I’ve had a few

Written in response to #YDWP, #WotD, #FOWC. 6/9/19. Regrets, I’ve had a few When I was fourteen years old my life was a complete shambles. I was in and out of the care system, hated my mother and siblings and was completely off the rails with regard to behavior and schooling but I didn't care.... Continue Reading →

He be nimble.

written in response to #YDWP. 27/8/19. He be nimble. I get up this morning And what do I see A man, mad and angry And coming at me What did I do? I can not recall Although I suspect Nothing at all He be nimble He be quick He comes at me With a candlestick... Continue Reading →

Loneliness.

Being alone is awful. Nothing to stimulate the senses, no-one to break the endless silences. Nothing to do but ponder co-operation with anyone and nothing to enrich your days but radio, TV or books; no cohabiting companions to change the pace a little. Loneliness isn't just the plight of the elderly; it isn't something that... Continue Reading →

A Bad Day!

Over on Fandango’s One-Word Challenge today the word of the day is Inconspicuous. I hope you like my entry. A Bad Day. I wish I could disappear Melt into a hole in the floor I wish I could shy away Not be noticed anymore I wish I were inconspicuous I wish I could disappear Hide... Continue Reading →

12/8/19.

Dear diary. I dont know what's wrong with me today? I felt the fog descend at about lunchtime and I havnt been able to shake off the feelings of emptiness and doubt since. I dont even know what's wrong to have set this off, I just seem to have fallen off the edge of somewhere... Continue Reading →

An Open Letter.

I lost a huge piece of my heart when you went away,, as I expect you did too but what must be must be in order for us all to grow. You've talked about losing toxic people from your life, as have I and this is exactly what has happened and what has had to... Continue Reading →

The world I live in.

Fandango’s Provocative Question #34. 5/8/19. Good morning everyone and welcome to another monday with me. Today's first post is in response to Fandangos Provocative question. Hope you enjoy reading and don't forget to follow the links and check out everyone elses entries too. What are the three biggest challenges your country (or, if you prefer, the... Continue Reading →

V = VALUE

V = VALUE. LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 22/7/19 Never underestimate the value of those in your life, for whatever reason they are there; for when they are gone, the world is a very empty place. As the track of my mental health progresses I have isolated myself from people in order to protect them... Continue Reading →

R = REMEMBER ME.

R = REMEMBER ME. LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 18/7/19 Remember me when I am gone, you forgot me whilst I lived I waited for the day you'd come, I never, ever hid I longed for you to come to me and say you'd stay forever You never called upon my door, not once, even... Continue Reading →

N = NOBODY.

N = NOBODY. LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 14/7/19 A Poem about having nobody. No one but me from eight till half 3. No bear, no bears nobody to see no one but me from eight till half three OK, so I shouldn't be on my own, especially when I'm having a bad day. My... Continue Reading →

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