I don’t, I can’t, I won’t!

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Making the decision to cut someone toxic out of your life should be an easy decision to make, but not when its your first born child its not! Its one of the hardest choices Ive ever had to make and goes against everything I believe about... Continue Reading →

The conversation I never got to have.

Written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions, #MLMM Sunday writing prompt. When my Lee died I had no one to offer me advice, my own Grandmother passing when I were fourteen years old, leaving me with no grandparents at all. This is a conversation I would have loved to have been able to... Continue Reading →

Memories

written in response to #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. 15/12/19 Did you ever ride a tea tray down the stairs as a child? I did; and suitcases too. I remember my brother and I sitting our little sister on a tray and letting her go bouncing down each step, giggling her little head off as she... Continue Reading →

10/11/19

Dear diary. Two years ago today I was sat in a hospital room watching the last of my Lee's life slip away, knowing there wasnt a thing I could do to prevent it. No matter how much I cried, prayed, pleaded. There wasnt a thing that could save him. I look back and try to... Continue Reading →

Time to say goodbye.

Written in response to #YDWP & #WotD. 21/10/19. In three weeks time it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my Lee and not a day goes by where I dont think about the happy times we had together. We have been apart now longer than we ever were together but the... Continue Reading →

Home?

Written in response to #Daily Addiction. 16/10/19 A sadness has spread across me today and my home doesnt feel like my home any more as I pack up the last of her things. Its hard to believe that she is gone and will never again beam her broadest smile at me; never again melt my... Continue Reading →

Empty shoes.

written in response to #YDWP. 3/9/19. Empty shoes Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up one by one Each representative Of a life that was done With lost families and jobs With lost hope and the longings For something more than they had The lost pride and belongings Empty shoes on a shoreline Piled up... Continue Reading →

1/9/19.

Dear diary. What a horrid nights sleep! The weather is on the turn here in our part of the UK and autumn is fast approaching. With it the wind is picking up again and the rain has started to have a chill to it again, it sucks. It also means that I cant sleep with... Continue Reading →

Loneliness.

Being alone is awful. Nothing to stimulate the senses, no-one to break the endless silences. Nothing to do but ponder co-operation with anyone and nothing to enrich your days but radio, TV or books; no cohabiting companions to change the pace a little. Loneliness isn't just the plight of the elderly; it isn't something that... Continue Reading →

L = LOSS.

LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 12/7/19 I was never sheltered from death and loss as a child. I knew it happened to everyone a some point but as a child you don't really understand what that means until it happens to you; and it happened to me a lot over the years. My first experience... Continue Reading →

F = FATHER.

F = FATHER. . LillBlu’s A to Z challenge 6/7/19 For the first thirteen years of my life I grew up believing my father to be a man called Dave. Mum had introduced me to him a few times when I was small, I remember him being a vague presence but never one I had... Continue Reading →

Morning Beauty.

Flower of the Day (FOTD) Challenge. 4/7/19. Shirley's Rose. This rose has stood sentry at the front door to this house for twenty-two years. It was planted by myself and mum in commemoration of Shirley, my beloved grandmother, who owned the house from it being built. Every time it flowers it reminds me of the... Continue Reading →

Heart Rate.

The Daily Spur. 17/6/19. RATE. Today’s word is rate. Get the definition from dictionary.com or from the urban dictionary   "Heart rate and blood pressure are falling consistently now; it's only a matter of time." The last words the nurse said to me before she came to silence the alarms half an hour later, at 12:30am on 11/11/17, Remembrance... Continue Reading →

Daddy Issues.

Word of the Day Challenge. 16/6/19. DADDY.   A poem I wrote a long time a go.   Daddy Issues. When I was one, life had just begun When I was two, my brother was new when I was three, I sat on your knee When I was four, you weren't there anymore When I... Continue Reading →

Some days!

Some days you just can't win no matter what you do. My neighbours hate me for stuff I haven't even done to them. My older kids only want me when they want or need something; they spend more time falling out with me than not. My little kids won't do anything I ask of them,... Continue Reading →

This woman!

Your Daily Word Prompt & Word of the Day Challenge. 13/6/19. INSIDIOUS & TEMPT INSIDIOUS & TEMPT I’ve lived in this house, this time around, for the last six years. We originally moved into the house in 1996 when my grandmother died and left the house to mum. I moved out again midway through 1997.... Continue Reading →

The Bench.

The SPF Challenge. 9/6/19. THE BENCH. The SPF Challenge The Bench   As she looked out across the dreary courtyard at the bench they once shared together on brighter days, tears filled her eyes and fell in puddles around her feet; much like the rain outside. ‘Our Spot.’ She sobbed, ‘We were supposed to be... Continue Reading →

Bathroom.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday.  7/6/19. “open book, point, write.” (Pocket Study Skills by Gary Thomas. page 5. line 11. word 4.) Picked for me by my two baby bears, Lill Man & Lill Miss.   'BATHROOM'   I hate my bathroom with a passion. It has been the cause of constant stress for me for around... Continue Reading →

Postaday- Cozy.

The beads are his. He wore them till his end and I have worn them since, they have brought me some comfort. Today I wear his beads with a new addition, I now have my charm with a little of him inside too. It makes me sad that all I have left of him are... Continue Reading →

Feeling blue.

To on the road again by Johnny Cash. All alone again Oh the joys, im on my own again The life I loved died with you my special man And here I am, all alone again On my own again Goin' t hell and coming back again Seen things that I never want to see... Continue Reading →

Disturbed. That’s me!

Lee Scott Spanton. 19/5/74 - 11/11/17 I miss you so much baby. Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence In restless dreams... Continue Reading →

Today’s mission is…

SURVIVAL! Today my only plan is to keep myself and the 2 youngest monsters alive! 5 weeks ago today my Lee passed away, we held his funeral just last Monday. We were not together long, just 14 short months but they were life changing months for me and the kids. He taught us all so... Continue Reading →

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