A Battle Began

Written in response to #WOTD, #Let it Bleed A battle began inside of meSuch a long, long time agoThe battles never left meNo matter how I grow I've aged in time and wisdomBut as yet I am still boundThe battle rages on insideNo peace for me is found I am at peace in natureBut I... Continue Reading →

Nothingness.

I stare at the screen in the hopes that something will come to me but nothing does, the medication has killed me. I have no creativity left. Nothing stirs in my brain, the neurons dulled by the high doses of anti depressants and morphine till nothing fires right anymore and I am lost once again.I... Continue Reading →

In the twilight hours.

Written in response to #WOTD, 6/12/19 In the twilight hours I wake from fitful sleepto an emptiness that never leaves me. It pervades my waking hours and saps my strength from melike candy from a little childleaving me bereftwantinghoping for something more than this So I prey and I hopefor anythingsomethingbut all I ever find... Continue Reading →

Just holding it together.

Written in response to #Wotd, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Today the voices are loud in my mind again. All the questions being asked in cacophony together, never easing up and I fear a return to the old days when my head ruled my life and near tore me apart. I know the mechanisms now tho,... Continue Reading →

I need to get a grip!

Written in response to #WotD, #YDWP & FOWC. My heart is like glass of late, one small knock and it would shatter into a million pieces. I feel weak and delicate, as if someone has stolen all of my strength and replaced it with nothing.Too many things have happened, the list goes on and on... Continue Reading →

5/10/19

Dear diary. The weekends been as big a wash out as the weather's been! Bear has spent all friday and Saturday night out at friends leaving me sat by myself for two nights straight and this evenings going to be much the same I think. Bears youngest is coming for tea today and the kids... Continue Reading →

Should I just quit??

I dont know if I should do this anymore. I started writing because it helped centre my thoughts, it was good therapy. But now I'm lost with it all. I've lost my capacity to write anything worth reading and I'm becoming disappointed with myself on an almost daily basis. My family dont support my writing... Continue Reading →

Lost again.

Written in response to #YDWP. 25/9/19. Lost again. I need to talk to someone But I don’t know what to say I don’t know what I’m feeling Or why I feel this way I feel so lost and empty Sat here with my pen, alone But I can’t talk to anyone Not online, by pen... Continue Reading →

24/9/19

Dear Diary. I think I've finally found the right time to take my medication! Yay! Contrary to all the advice I was given about them causing insomnia if taken later in the day, I'm taking them right before bed and I'm sleeping kinda OK; for me. Just goes to show that the recommendations aren't always... Continue Reading →

10/9/19

Dear Diary I'm staring at the keyboard and I honestly don't know what to write; my head is so full of stuff but I don't know where to start with processing it all. I'm not sleeping well again with constant waking up and bad dreams. I don't know if its the medication or what but... Continue Reading →

Zen/tangled!

As any of you who follow regularly will know, I have developed an obsession with meditative artworks of late; mandala's and zentangle to be precise. I found these art forms a few years back and have never really gotten into them as I wrongly thought that they take time and patience to complete, something I... Continue Reading →

4/9/19.

Dear Diary So yesterday was a complete whirlwind of organising, laundry, shopping and chips! My day was filled with finding and prepping all the school uniform and making sure bags and book bags were sorted ready for the 7:45 am deadline on leaving the house this morning. Its been seven weeks since I've had to... Continue Reading →

31/8/19

Dear diary. Its 3am and I'm up! These meds have got to go! They're making me more depressed by messing with my sleep patterns. I cant be awake half the night and sleeping all evening, this just isn't on! I wish I could pinpoint exactly which meds are interacting with each other to cause this... Continue Reading →

30/8/19.

Dear diary. I'm going to have to move this post to a morning as I keep falling asleep before writing on an evening! Yesterday I slept most of the evening in my computer chair before finally going to bed at about midnight. These new tablets they have put me on are killing me. Poor bear... Continue Reading →

28/8/19

Dear diary. Had my friend round today for a few hours for coffee and a catch up which was nice. It's not often friends get a chance to come round now most of them work and I dont. Its sucky. I'm grateful to those that bother with me regardless of how much shit I've put... Continue Reading →

He be nimble.

written in response to #YDWP. 27/8/19. He be nimble. I get up this morning And what do I see A man, mad and angry And coming at me What did I do? I can not recall Although I suspect Nothing at all He be nimble He be quick He comes at me With a candlestick... Continue Reading →

An open rhyme.

Written in response to #YDWP & #WotD daily challenges. Untitled... You’re contentious and dissentious Pretentious, not conscientious Abstentious and dissentious You’ve made yourself this way, you see. You’re relentless, I defenceless It’s all momentous and tremendous How stupendous and horrendous does This situation have to be? You sit and lecture and gesture Whilst I sit... Continue Reading →

Loneliness.

Being alone is awful. Nothing to stimulate the senses, no-one to break the endless silences. Nothing to do but ponder co-operation with anyone and nothing to enrich your days but radio, TV or books; no cohabiting companions to change the pace a little. Loneliness isn't just the plight of the elderly; it isn't something that... Continue Reading →

13/8/19.

Dear diary. I need to snap out of this funk I'm in, it's no good! I'm sick of feeling shitty about myself and everything about me and I'm sick of not being able to put my mind to anything. I just want to get on with stuff but I seem mired in thought and completely... Continue Reading →

12/8/19.

Dear diary. I dont know what's wrong with me today? I felt the fog descend at about lunchtime and I havnt been able to shake off the feelings of emptiness and doubt since. I dont even know what's wrong to have set this off, I just seem to have fallen off the edge of somewhere... Continue Reading →

11/8/19.

Dear diary. Another long and fruitful day... The garden is almost complete and after three years it's about time too. We are finally able to walk from one end to the other without getting attacked by weeds and overgrown grass or falling over some random rubbish from the ex husbands hobbies. All the scrap metal... Continue Reading →

10/8/19

Dear diary. What a day? I'm exhausted! My butt hasn't hit the ground all day and I've had no time to write at all. BB1 and MB1 have only just gone home but we have done loads today with BB1s help. She watched her brother and sister whilst Bear and I completely gutted the garden.... Continue Reading →

8/8/19

Dear diary. Today she came over for the day and we had a go with the tattoo kit. Not a bad attempt considering I'm not a professional by any stretch of the imagination and it still needs completing tomorrow evening around the eyes. It's been a long but enjoyable day and I'm glad I have... Continue Reading →

7/8/19.

Dear diary... Well today was a wash out in more ways than one. The weather has been aweful today and the Bears take this as an oportunity to wreck the house. Being stuck indoors with two high octane children is the worst to say the least. My pain levels are high today, as a result... Continue Reading →

Dear Diary.

I originally started blogging as a way to vent some of the stresses my head created throughout my daily life; a digital extension of my own personal diary. This never really happened and I have gravitated more towards the daily challenge posts and the occasional rant. This is something I intend to rectify from today... Continue Reading →

Ellie the Elephant.

Over on #WOTD & #YDWP the challenge is to come up with something to fit the words you are given. I love to combine these challenges and see how many I can fit into one piece. ( I think I've managed three, max so far!) Today's words are Enigmatic and Elephant. The poem wrote itself!... Continue Reading →

The back of things.

Good morning everyone, over on Cee's B&W Photo today, the challenge is 'The Back of Things!' Enjoy. I hope you have all slept a little better than I have. The weather here is damp and hot at the moment and not making for a comfortable nights sleep. I for one will be glad to see... Continue Reading →

An ode to Bear.

Fandango's One Word Challenge. 6/8/19. Today over on This that and the Other, Fandangos one word challenge word of the day is Bewitched. The challenge is to come up with something related around that word. Today Im a poet and so follows the theme of my other posts. Bewitched. When you look at me Your... Continue Reading →

That Chip.

Word of the Day Challenge. 6/8/19. Hope you enjoy the poem folks. Dont forget to head over to the challenge page and check out the other entries. Happy reading. xx That Chip. There’s a chip upon your shoulder, The likes none have ever seen. There’s a chip upon your shoulder, And it’s making you quite... Continue Reading →

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