I used to be quite loquacious when I were younger, a little too verbose some may have said but I always had something to say on any given subject. Nowadays I struggle to string two words together most days and my mind has a blankness only the heavily medicated would truly understand.
My head used to run in verse and rhyme, now its full of fog and fluff, the words are still there, they just cant find their way forwards anymore and flit around untold, held ransom by my fears; my creativity stifled, my outlet taken away!
I feel lost without my ability to say what I feel, like a part of what makes me, me has been taken away and lost forever. I hate being medicated but what choice do I have? I cant live with the person I am without the drugs, no one can, the voices are too powerful for me to overcome alone, I need the med’s but they sap away my creativity and that’s a hard choice for me to make.
My creativity is a part of me I cherish, an outlet for all my stresses and woes. I feel lost without it all. I need to find a way to spark my fire again, I need to find a way to unlock the barriers that have formed between the person I once was and the person I am now. I need to find me again, before I’m lost forever.