Halloween bravery.

Its Halloween again and for me, and others like me, one of the worst times of the year.In some ways I love the celebration. I like the idea of trick or treating with the kids till gone bedtime, pumpkin carving and pumpkin pie. I love the dressing up and the fake blood. I love virtually... Continue Reading →

Halloween – a haiku

Written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #Daily Addictions & #MLMM. 31/10/19. Twelve o'clock, owls screechDon't get caught trick or treatingHome to bed, sweets eaten.

30/10/19

Dear diary. I've woken up with a real grumpy on this morning and I feel so down about everything. I fell asleep at seven o'clock last night so it's not like I haven't had enough sleep, too much maybe! I'm spending too much of my time trying to figure out how to pass finance that... Continue Reading →

Motherhood!

Why do children get up so early in the morning? It doesn't matter what time I put them to bed, you can guarantee that by six am they are both down and ganging up on me. This morning is no exception, they are both up and fighting already. I don't understand why they cant just... Continue Reading →

29/10/19

Dear diary. I slept much better last night. Better than I have done in a while. There is no rhyme nor reason to it, my body just decides sometimes that I'm going to sleep well and other times badly. Last night was definitely the former. The change in daylight savings time has thrown my body... Continue Reading →

28/10/19

Dear diary Slept like a baby again... up every few hours! I dont know what's wrong with me lately but it's getting annoying. The only plus side to being awake so much is that I am getting extra learning hours in I suppose. Yesterday I bought the online course that goes along side of the... Continue Reading →

Seasons change.

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC & #Daily Addictions. 28/10/19. Oh, sweet rhapsody, of wind and howling rainThe sounds of autumn's fast advanceHave come around againFalling leaves and arcane chills surround our every nightAs the seasons change and the summers derailedThe sunshine's out of sightWith winter hats upon our heads, we drive on through... Continue Reading →

27/10/19

Dear diary. Today I've woken up with a urine infection! Just what I dont need really on top of everything else; peeing fire, lovely! I'm not gunna let it get to me tho, today I'm going to get pro-active with my learning and spend some money on an online course. I am determined to do... Continue Reading →

26/10/19

Dear diary Guess who forgot to put the clocks back last night, bloody daylight savings times! Been awake about an hour and have only just realised that the clocks went back an hour last night and I forgot to do them. I'm sat drinking coffee when I should be in bed catching up in a... Continue Reading →

Karma’s a bitch!

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC & #Daily Addictions Karma's a bitch and when she comes for you I hope to have front row seats, its the least she can do for me!I'm not a vengeful person but karma, shes anything but innocuous in her dealings and I hope shes keeping something special in... Continue Reading →

25/10/19

Dear diary I love these films and this quote, they have been part of my life for such a long time and I had almost forgotten about it until I woke with this quote on my mind. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will... Continue Reading →

Sarran.

Written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions, #MLMM & #Tale Weaver. Sarran had had a crush on Lyla since the first time they had met some ten years before at the start of secondary school. It seemed like such an eternity ago now but Sarran’s feelings had only deepened with time. It was... Continue Reading →

24/10/19

Dear diary My backs still buggered, I'm still having nightmares and uni is still stressing me out but I'm ok. I have to keep telling myself that! Fear has become the biggest problem in my life at the moment. Not the various things that are causing it, the fear itself is the problem and I... Continue Reading →

Just holding it together.

Written in response to #Wotd, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Today the voices are loud in my mind again. All the questions being asked in cacophony together, never easing up and I fear a return to the old days when my head ruled my life and near tore me apart. I know the mechanisms now tho,... Continue Reading →

23/10/19

Dear diary. Yay, the Joy's of a slipped disc! My back has been ok for a number of months now, until I tried to lift a heavy bin bag the other day and popped it out again. I'm in absolute agony with it too, which is less than ideal as I find it really hard... Continue Reading →

I need to get a grip!

Written in response to #WotD, #YDWP & FOWC. My heart is like glass of late, one small knock and it would shatter into a million pieces. I feel weak and delicate, as if someone has stolen all of my strength and replaced it with nothing.Too many things have happened, the list goes on and on... Continue Reading →

22/10/19

Dear diary. Nightmares! I'm so sick of them now. I feel like a little kid again. Every night this week I've had at least one bad dream and I'm becoming very fed up of it. I'm thirty eight years old and I still check under the bed before I get in it and double lock... Continue Reading →

21/10/19

Dear diary. I woke up in a cold sweat, dreaming about the day Lee died again. I hate this time of year now. The flashbacks get worse the closer to the date I get and the meds dont stop it happening. It's been two years now and the trauma never leaves me. I can still... Continue Reading →

Time to say goodbye.

Written in response to #YDWP & #WotD. 21/10/19. In three weeks time it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my Lee and not a day goes by where I dont think about the happy times we had together. We have been apart now longer than we ever were together but the... Continue Reading →

20/10/19

Dear diary. It's been a long weekend of textbook reading and note taking and I still dont feel any closer to understanding finance and economics than I did two days ago. I'm really going to fail this year and theres nothing to be done about it, I'm simply not good enough at this time to... Continue Reading →

17/10/19

Dear diary. Little man is bback to sleeping badly again. He was up by half past four this morning and is now playing Lego in his bedroom, waiting for morning to start. I feel so bad making him go back to his room but I cant seem to get it into his head that dark... Continue Reading →

Specter.

Written in response to #YDWP. 17/10/19 Shadow of thy former selfProwling nightly, lost inEverlasting emptinessChasing your every hourTempting, longing, emptyEmptier still and lonelyResigned to simply be aShadow of thy former self.

Silly goat.

Written in response to #FOWC & #Daily Addictions. 17/10/19. Silly goat, Billy goatHow do you float with ease?Silly goat, Billy goatHow do you climb those trees?Silly goat, Billy goatHow did you get up there?Silly goat, Billy goatYou're way up in the air!

16/10/19

Dear diary. For the first time I'm actually really worried I'm going to fail this module at uni. I'm being messed up by accounting and finance of all things. Bloody maths! I never realised that this course would involve so much complex math and equations, if I had I may have thought twice about attempting... Continue Reading →

Home?

Written in response to #Daily Addiction. 16/10/19 A sadness has spread across me today and my home doesnt feel like my home any more as I pack up the last of her things. Its hard to believe that she is gone and will never again beam her broadest smile at me; never again melt my... Continue Reading →

15/10/19

Dear diary. I managed to sleep well again last night! I do love it when bear and I go to bed at the same time, there's nothing like snuggles with the one you love before sleep. I always sleep well when I fall asleep in his arms. We have bears lad coming over today and... Continue Reading →

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