13/2/20

Its 23 years ago tomorrow, since I had my first child and I can’t help but be sad at the way our relationship has worked out. I miss my firstborn dearly but have to protect myself and the baby bears from her wild mental health issues. My feelings and wants are not as important as their safety at the end of the day and so I will just have to keep my emotions in check and my feelings to myself. It is the worst regret of my life, not having a good relationship with my daughter and one I will probably take to my grave with me but I just cant help her right now. She doesn’t want to be helped!

I feel so empty and flat today and I wish my get up and go hadn’t got up and left me already. I could certainly use some right now. I have so many assignments this term at uni its untrue and muggins here only went and signed them-self up to be team leader in almost all of the teamwork exercises. God only knows what possessed me to do that but I did and now I have to cajole half a dozen spotty 19 year old’s into doing coursework instead of going out drinking and partying. I don’t fancy my chances to be honest!

T minus 4 days till bears finally off work. I can’t wait for a week of no alarm clocks to speak of and no 5am starts; that is if my body clock will let me sleep in, of course! I still have uni, even during the kids half term break and so Ill have to juggle spending time with Bear, the baby bears and uni all in one go. Im looking forward to it with guarded trepidation. lol.

Today brings another lecture and a day of research. I need to crack on with these assignments or ill never get them in on time.

Best get to it!

xxxx

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