28/2/20

Dear Diary I dont know whats wrong with me today but Ive woken up in an odd kind of mood. I don't know quite how I feel or what I want, but I feel on edge like something bads going to happen. Nothings likely to or even expected to but it just feels that way... Continue Reading →

Insomnia

written in response to #tale weaver. #MLMM Living life in a hazecant say how many daysor even how many ways Ive tried to sleep Life is thrown at me in bouldersmy friends grow colder shoulderedI feel im growing olderYou sow what you reap Its been so many a nightthat ive had to fightto turn off... Continue Reading →

27/2/20

Dear Diary This last few weeks have been tough to handle. Yeah weve had a good time being away but the undertones of the normal life stresses never really leave you even when your on holiday and it spoilt it a little. Bears been working like a dog for the last three months to try... Continue Reading →

26/2/20

Dear Diary Reality bites hard! Bears gone back to work this morning and we're now all back to the usual 5 am routine of getting up and starting the day at such an ungodly hour! I don't mind it too much really, if I'm truly honest. Yeah its nice to have a lie in now... Continue Reading →

Life

Written in response to #randomness inked, #let it bleed Life Life, is it all for real?How does it make you feel?Do you, like me, sit and wait to seewhat the next problem will be Life, do you know the score?or like me, do you not care anymoreDo you, like I, sit alone and cryNever really... Continue Reading →

25/2/20

Dear Diary Our holidays are over and its time to drag ourselves back to reality. The baby bears are back at school today and Im back at uni too, Bear has one last day off then hes back at work too. Reality bites. We had such a lovely time away at YHA Boggle Hole. We... Continue Reading →

17/2/20

Dear diary A 3 hour lie in on our first day of Bears week off! Now that's what I call relaxing. Only problem is I'm 3 hours late taking my meds and I've woke up shaking with awful tremors in my hands. I'm assuming that its withdrawal symptoms. Today brings an odd mix of uni... Continue Reading →

15/2/20

Dear Diary Im so beyond sick of this now its unreal! Why cant I get control of this bloody sleepiness I have all the time? I thought Id been doing really well lately but low and behold last night it popped back up as soon as Id finished my tea and I fell asleep in... Continue Reading →

14/2/20

Dear Diary I dont know what to say about today! Its supposed to be a day filled with love and happiness, a day to show your partner how much you love them and to spoil them a bit but not in my house. In my house valentines day has always been a tricky one for... Continue Reading →

13/2/20

Its 23 years ago tomorrow, since I had my first child and I can't help but be sad at the way our relationship has worked out. I miss my firstborn dearly but have to protect myself and the baby bears from her wild mental health issues. My feelings and wants are not as important as... Continue Reading →

I am a riddle.

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #FFE, #RDP I am a riddle, wrapped in an enigma and the crux of it is that I don't know who I am anymore!They say birds of a feather flock together but if that was truly the case I wouldn't be alone all of the time, floundering around,... Continue Reading →

12/2/20

Dear diary When the weathers bad, my mood follows! Why cant we have springtime already? Im so sick of the cold and the darkness now its untrue. and its seriously effecting how my brain works. I noticed the other day. We had a day of sunshine for a change and it felt like a spring... Continue Reading →

A Battle Began

Written in response to #WOTD, #Let it Bleed A battle began inside of meSuch a long, long time agoThe battles never left meNo matter how I grow I've aged in time and wisdomBut as yet I am still boundThe battle rages on insideNo peace for me is found I am at peace in natureBut I... Continue Reading →

11/2/20

Dear Diary What a horrible nights sleep to go with the horrid storms we are having at the moment. If I didn't live in a 3 story house with a wooden roof extension I wouldn't be too worried but I'm scared to death that the whole thing is going to detach and fly off into... Continue Reading →

10/2/20

Dear Diary Im lost today. I dont know wether its tiredness or apathy but its sapping all the energy out of me and all I want to do is sleep. So many huge, great things are on the horizon for us and all I can think about is how afraid I am that it will... Continue Reading →

8/2/20

Dear Diary Everyones in bed but me! Why cant I just have a decent nights sleep for once? I mean, its not even a week day ffs and my brain wakes me up at 5am! Im sat in the dark, trying not to wake anyone else up and its so dull in these early hours... Continue Reading →

7/2/20

Dear Diary Where is this year going to so fast? I cant believe were marching through February this quickly, before you know it it will be Easter again and then summer! Why do the days seem to pass so quickly the older you get? Driving about the city yesterday I couldn't help but notice that... Continue Reading →

6/2/20

Dear Diary Another bad nights sleep for me again! Im so sick of it now, I just want to wake up feeling like ive had some rest for a change, is that too much to ask? Im sure that its down to the fact that Ive not got enough to do at the moment and... Continue Reading →

5/2/20

Dear Diary I completely forgot to go online yesterday and so didn't get chance to write. I actually missed being able to write, even if I rarely have much to say, I still missed it and Im glad to be back today. Neither Bear nor I are sleeping well again at the moment and we... Continue Reading →

I don’t, I can’t, I won’t!

written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP, #FOWC, #Daily Addictions. Making the decision to cut someone toxic out of your life should be an easy decision to make, but not when its your first born child its not! Its one of the hardest choices Ive ever had to make and goes against everything I believe about... Continue Reading →

3/2/20

Dear Diary So I took a day off from everything yesterday to see if that helped my lack of enthusiasm for stuff and I can safely say it hasn't! I feel like a complete and utter failure at the moment and I cant focus on anything. I shuffle around the house, pottering about to fill... Continue Reading →

1/2/20

Dear Diary Im having a bad time at the moment, mentally. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I don't feel anything but exhausted all of the time and I cant focus on anything for very long. Hugely frustrating when I have reams of reading to do for uni. Im hoping... Continue Reading →

Lost again

Written in response to #WOTD, #YDWP. I'm lost again and falling and I know not what to doI'm ill, I'm sad, I'm empty and I'm sick of feeling blueI'm hopeless, useless, feckless and a hell of a lot more besideI'm coping less and less each day and all I want to do is hideI'm fed... Continue Reading →

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