In three weeks time it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my Lee and not a day goes by where I dont think about the happy times we had together.
We have been apart now longer than we ever were together but the loss never fades and I miss him just as much now as I ever have; deeper than any loss Ive ever felt before.
I feel guilty that after all of this time I still love him, even though I have Bear now and I love him intensely, there is still a piece of my heart that holds on to Lee; a man I can never have!
I don’t ascribe to any silly notions that he is going to walk back in through the door, I know I will never see the man again but my heart holds on to him as though hes just popped out for milk and he will be home any minute. Its soul destroying and deeply saddening all at the same time.
I need to let go; I have to let go!
Whats left of the man sits, pride of place, on a shelf gathering dust and watching over us all and waiting for the day that I can finally have the strength to set him free.
I think that time is coming. I feel like I may be strong enough to plan his final trip, but where?
He was a Geordie lad, through and through but we never spoke of our final wishes, we never even considered the end would come so soon and so I have no idea what he would have wanted, where he would have wanted to go. Would he have wanted to go home or would he have wanted to stay close to us? I have no clue, but I know he would hate the plastic tub he currently lives in.