Written in response to #Daily Addiction. 16/10/19

A sadness has spread across me today and my home doesnt feel like my home any more as I pack up the last of her things.

Its hard to believe that she is gone and will never again beam her broadest smile at me; never again melt my heart with a single look. I will never understand how something so small that was here for such a short length of time can have such a massive impact on the whole place. We’re all less without her but so much more for having known her, even if it was too short a time.

I feel nothing but anger at the whole situation, angry at the loss of yet another I hold so dear that I hold the power to do nothing about. Im helpless and have to just sit back and watch the events unfold that shape my future, without being able to have any say in its direction; just an observer.

As I pack up the last bits and bobs I bought in anticipation of a future that now will never happen I mourn the days I will never have and the gifts I will never buy. I mourn for myself and for her as the sadness sweeps through me once more, in never ending waves.

The last few weeks have been hard but the next few will be harder as the reality really sets in and the sadness deepens to true lost hope. I miss her so much and I cant even say goodbye. Will there ever be an end to this pain.

My home doesn’t feel like my home any more.

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