I used to be quite the gourmand back in the day. I loved my food and would eat constantly. I look back on the glutton I used to be and I cringe immensely.
I’ve always had a poor relationship with food. At ten years old I was a compulsive eater, stealing food to attempt to drown my fears and worries with an endless torrent of tasty treats; never able to fill my appetite. Five years ago I topped out at 21 stone (133kg or nearly 300lb)! and it nearly killed me.
Over the years I have bounced between eating too much and eating nothing at all and that’s taken its toll on my body, for sure. A few years back I had to have my gallbladder removed as a consequence of rapid and dramatic weight loss; the poor thing couldn’t handle the abuse I was throwing its way and packed up on me completely.
Nowadays I’m not eating as much as I should. I don’t eat breakfast of lunch most days and opt for a child sized evening meal. I have developed a hate for food because it makes me fat without even needing to eat too much. I live on coffee, drinking several liters a day, unhealthy I’m sure but it keeps me going and staves off any hunger I should feel.
The doctors say I’m still 2 stone (28lb or 13kg) overweight though so I have a long way to go by their reckoning; a long way to go before I’m done losing weight. the ten stone Ive already lost doesn’t count for much in their eyes!
I do wonder though, since I’ve lost so much weight I have all of this excess skin hanging around (quite literally) and I wonder how much all of it would weigh? Would it all add up to the last few stone I need to lose, if I could afford to have it all taken off.
Its barely worth thinking about however as I can never hope to be able to afford the surgery I would need to have it all removed; neither in monetary or time terms. I just torture myself at the idea. It would be nice to think though that one day I could afford to have the nip and tuck I would need to re-shape this saggy bag of body I own; to get rid of whats left of the old me.
A girl can dream.