25/9/19

Dear Diary.

Today I’m making a pact with myself…

If I cant change something then I need to learn to let it go and not obsess over it! I spend far too much of my life sat worrying about things I have no control over and its a colossal waste of time.

I achieved absolutely nothing today other than draw a few doodles. I spent the whole day lost in thought, trying to work out a situation that isn’t only hopeless, its a done deal and I have to stop torturing myself over it.

I do it a lot, about a lot of different things and I cant seem to help myself, maybe its part of the BPD; who knows? But I have to get a handle on it and try and make things better. Its no good being on antidepressants when all I do is wallow and make myself more depressed!

I need to learn a fast way of drawing on positive energies. Doodling works for calming and centering my thoughts but its such a slow process; i need something more instantaneous. I have used mindfulness meditation in the past but that’s a little slow too and not easy to do when your out and about; I often nod off if I meditate and its really embarrassing in public.

Why cant they invent a legal pill you can take that bumps up your positive vibes and boots out the negativity. Now that’s one Id happily add to my med’s list.

xxxx

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