Regrets, I’ve had a few

Written in response to #YDWP, #WotD, #FOWC. 6/9/19.

Regrets, I’ve had a few

When I was fourteen years old my life was a complete shambles. I was in and out of the care system, hated my mother and siblings and was completely off the rails with regard to behavior and schooling but I didn’t care. I hated the world and everyone in it to some degree or another and I didn’t mind who knew it either. I was a brusque know-it-all, who didn’t give two sh!&$ about the world.

That was until I met Steven.

He was three or four years older than me and had just left school. I thought he was amazing at the time and the sun shone out of his proverbial. It wasn’t long before we were inseparable and in a moment of spontaneous madness on my mothers part, she moved him in to live with us as he had been kicked out of home in a fight with his own mother.

To any fourteen year old this would have been a golden ticket to adulthood and I jumped at the opportunity she had presented me with; as anyone that age would.

Within a few months I fell pregnant (just to clarify, this was unintentional) as there was nothing stopping us behaving like true adults and my life changed overnight. Steven couldn’t handle the stress of being a dad before he turned eighteen and walked out on me before I hit the six month mark.

From there on in everything went wrong for me.

Mum left me, at fifteen, to look after myself, my brother (aged fourteen) and a new baby. She couldn’t handle the stress and decided to move to another city an hours drive away to get away from it all; leaving me to fend for everyone alone.

Needless to say I didn’t do anywhere near a good enough job and to cut a long story short, at nine months and three days old, they came and took my baby away from me and my life fell into a decade of drink, drugs and despair that almost claimed my second child, BB2 also.

I never did regain custody of BB1 and this forms my biggest regret in life because it not only ruined mine but also her life too.

I regret my decision to sleep with someone underage and unprotected, simply because of thew snowball effect it has had on the remainder of my life and how that one mistake has shaped every single thing that has happened since.

What’s your biggest regret?

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