V = VALUE

V = VALUE. LillBlu’s A to Z challenge.. 22/7/19

Never underestimate the value of those in your life, for whatever reason they are there; for when they are gone, the world is a very empty place.

As the track of my mental health progresses I have isolated myself from people in order to protect them and myself from the fallout of my head explosions. This has left me with very few that are close. I have my Bears and I have my Bear but beyond this I have let relationships slip away, lost touch with almost everyone I used to know.

Twenty years ago I was the life and soul of the party; everyone came to mine for the good times when the drink would flow and the nights became days when no one slept, we just danced and talked and drank. I miss the hubbub of it all.

Ten years ago I was newly married and life ran around me looking after four Bears and carrying another in my belly. Life was busy and active and most of all, full.

Now I sit in my kitchen, alone, for hours and hours or I do housework with the radio on to break the silence of it all; the hopeless monotony. Just two bears remain but they are at school most of the time and take little entertaining nowadays; i feel more like their maid than their mum.

The school holidays are here though and the loneliness is broken for the next six weeks by the never ending nagging being a momma bear brings; but i wouldn’t have it any other way. For the next six weeks I get to re-learn the value of company, even if the conversation is slightly stilted.

For the next six weeks I’m not alone.