My Kids are my world.
I know, I say that an aweful lot but the simple fact is that they are. And I don’t mean that just from a mothers perspective, I say that from the perspective of a mentally ill person who knows that her children are her anchor; her whole reason for living. Without them I literally would have no one who needed me; without them I would have no reason for carrying on.
I hear a few of you screaming in the background, calling me all sorts for being so selfish. ‘What about the rest of your family, what about your friends?’
I have only one member of my family left, my mother, and beyond it being an inconvenience if I were not here any longer here (I rent her house in England whilst she lives abroad with her fella) I don’t think she would miss me that much in all honesty. She only emails me when she needs or wants something and I hold too much bad feeling towards her to hold a conversation so we rarely speak at all.
My brother and sister have both chosen a life of extreme drug abuse and as such no longer have anything to do with me. Growing up my brother and I were inseparable, right up until I got married 10 years ago when he turned to heroin to fill a void in his life. I haven’t seen him since. My sister has always been a wild child and chose her path 18 years ago. I haven’t seen her in almost 8 years and she wasn’t in a good way back then. Cocaine isn’t a kind drug to the body or mind and in a way I am glad I don’t see her, it breaks me to even think about her in such a way.
So my family wouldn’t miss me, what about friends…
I have a couple of cousins by marriage that I see a handful of times a year but we are not really close. And I have a girlfriend too, we used to be close but my mental health ruined that friendship. We only speak via text nowadays and rarely meet up for a cuppa. I don’t think anyone would miss me for that long; except the kids.
I know from experience what the loss of a close family member can do to a child and I’ve certainly done enough research over the years that backs up how I feel personally. I could never inflict that onto my bears. They have suffered enough at the hands of their fathers mental health and suicide attempts for me to even contemplate it.
My kids are my whole life, my entire world. Everything I do, and I would do almost anything, I do for them.
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