Emotionally incontinent, that’s me!
I can’t go a day without breaking down and crying over the merest thing, the world shies away from me because of it and my life becomes an Eternity of loneliness. People I once called my best friends no longer speak to me because they can’t handle the emotional $h!t storm that follows me everywhere I go. and who would want to really?
Would you want to go into a supermarket with someone who was likely to burst into tears because something reminds her of someone she once knew? Would you want to be in a shop with someone when they lose their cool over poor customer service and end up causing a scene because their emotions get the better of them? Would you want to be friends with someone who brings nothing to the table except stress and hassle? No-one does!
Unstable, that’s me!
My moods change faster and more often than the weather (and I live in England!) I can be laughing and joking one minute and a complete dissociative mess the next with no warning, and no control over it when it happens. I can freak out at the drop of the hat and go from being the driving force behind an idea to its biggest critic in seconds. No-one can cope with that and why should they?
Would you want to plan days out and get-togethers with someone who lets you down all the time? Would you want to take your children on playdates with someone who might scare the kids if they have an outburst? Would you want to be friends with someone who you couldn’t predict?
Personality… which facet?
We all wear different faces depending on the situation but for most this is just an extension of themselves. For me, and many with EUPD, a lack of personal identity means we tend to pick up on the people around us and adopt their traits. I know from experience I am very different around different people and not many can handle this change. Many label me a fake or a fraud; many won’t even speak to me any longer and why should they?
Would you want to be friends with someone who wasn’t the same every time you met or spoke? Would you be able to cope with the fast-paced changes and the never-ending cycle of likes and dislikes? Would you be able to handle it all and not lose yourself in the process?
Disorder… is what my condition brings to the table.
It been doing it to me since Youth and doesn’t look to want to stop any time soon. Those who are unlucky enough to get caught in my whirlpool share the same fate and most have chosen not to bother with me; too much hassle and hard work. Too many one-sided conversations and unread messages. Too many outbursts and sobbing sessions.
Just too much Me.