So today I’m feeling a little nostalgic (this is my second post about my past) and so I thought I would give you a little insight into the person I used to be; the one that helped shape me into the person I am today.
Looking back now, I know the cause (EUPD) of the meltdown that was my late teens and early 20’s but at the time I had no idea what I was doing as my MH was most certainly unchecked and uncontrolled. I displayed all of the classic symptoms of my condition but no one ever drew any links and so I was left to create my own sh&t storm and almost destroy my life completely.
In 2001 I got raided on drugs warrant! They thought I was selling heroin and cocaine, I wasn’t, but I was selling; my choice of deal was cannabis. I actually felt a little sorry for the police during the raid. They had come heavy-handed, with roughly 20 officers, a big red key and 2 of the biggest and scariest looking dogs I had ever seen but they left empty-handed all but for a few scrapings of weed that they managed to pull together from roach in the ashtray.
The big key was unneeded (they used it anyway) as the door was unlocked and open, they could have walked right in. The dogs they brought were trained only to smell for brown (heroin) and coke (cocaine) and the poor things were so confused by the fact I had a bitch in heat that their handlers had to take them out as they were going wild and unluckily for them I had no drugs in the home at the time of the raid. they had me on nothing. 16 hours in a cell later and I was bailed to return in a month to receive the caution for possession.
In the month that went by I jumped through all the hoops that came along with being a newly arrested single mother with a drugs charge. I completed social services assessments, parenting courses and most importantly, stopped selling drugs. I felt confident as I walked back into the police station to receive my caution that the scare had made me change my ways somewhat and I was happy it had all worked out.
Little did I know that the police were not at all happy that their raid was unsuccessful, I was told that their investigation into me had been going on for 9 months to which I laughed as they had so many of the details wrong about me. they didn’t know what I was selling, how I lived, that I had dogs, nothing really that they thought they knew about me was right and they were less than happy about this and so I was made an example of; knocking all of my previous cockiness right out of me!
I walked out of the police station feeling on cloud nine but was knocked right back down onto my a$$ the second I walked out of their front doors. A policeman tapped me on the shoulder, grabbed my wrists and cuffed me! He read me my rights and told me that I was being arrested on Actual Neglect of a Child Under the Age of 16. This being due to my then 18-month-old daughter being in the flat at the time of the raid when the occupants had clearly been drug taking.
That was the shock I needed. Its a long story after that to the eventual punishment I received (a 3-year community rehabilitation order) but that was most definitely the shock I needed to sort my head, and my life out. That was the catalyst to the person I am today. Today I am a mother of 4 (2 still at home) a degree student, an artist, many things that I wouldn’t have been had that one charge never happened.
It closed many doors for me as I wanted to be a special needs teacher, obviously now Ill never realise that particular dream but it opened many new avenues for me. I am still a teacher (post 16) of arts and craft, basic IT and word processing skills. I’ve realised some of my potentials, at least.
I am not proud of the past I own, nor do I crow about the things I did, I merely use it as an explanation, a small insight into some of the regrets I have and the challenges \I have placed myself into because of this nasty condition I have. EUPD has shaped my life, and that is just one of the branches it has added to my life tree.
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