Amorphous. your-daily-word-prompt. 3/6/19.
It’s a new week (and the kids are back at school! Woot!!)
I’m feeling positive today; How about you?
I talk a lot about my life with EUPD, (much to everyone’s continued frustration,) because I have only recently received my diagnosis and, for the most part, I am still struggling to come to terms with what that means.
I utilise these daily word challenges, in part, (I hope to complete more than just the one a day I currently do) to explore some of the aspects I struggle with and hope that someone may take the time to comment and share their pearls of wisdom with me. I hope to create a dialogue, an exchange of ideas and feelings; a support network for anyone who needs it, especially myself.
So feel free to agree or disagree with anything I write, leave a comment and breach the walls… It’s good to talk!
EUPD, (when left unchecked) doesn’t leave much room for clarity, definition or stability.
One of the main characteristics of this illness is the inability or severe struggle with the creation of a sense of self. EUPD sufferers tend to be ever-changeable individuals without any clearly defined viewpoints. We are mirrors of our friends and partners, hopping from persona to persona to fit those around us. We are amorphous.
Does this make us bad people? (Please let me know what you think on this)
I know that this trait can cause issues as I have personally come unstuck by this along the path of my life; When you change how you are between partner, friends and work colleagues, it is only inevitable that eventually these worlds will collide and everyone will see you for the fraud you appear to be. It is unavoidable if you ever hope to have a fully integrated life, otherwise, you have to keep everyone separate and this just breeds suspicion and unease as no-one knows why they are being kept away from each other.
How does anyone become the person they are, with the viewpoints and opinions they have? How do you form definite perspectives; true likes and dislikes that are a real reflection of yourself?
It seems to me that these things should just come naturally; learnt without even noticing, just happening as you grow. But not for me!
I am a true Chameleon, amorphous in style, opinion, hopes and dreams. I can be anything I want to be but am far more likely to be whatever You want me to become; I know how to do that! I am able to connect to people on a deeper level than most, (empathy is known as a common trait amongst those with this condition) meaning that I am better attuned to friends needs and can cater to a greater degree and much sooner than others could. In that way I think I make a good friend; if only I could quell the negative factors that outweigh the positive gains for those that have to deal with me.
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