Today my only plan is to keep myself and the 2 youngest monsters alive!
5 weeks ago today my Lee passed away, we held his funeral just last Monday.
We were not together long, just 14 short months but they were life changing months for me and the kids. He taught us all so much about really living and loving life. All of us were so much more with him around.
We used to sit on a Saturday morning, drinking coffee and hiding in the kitchen so the kids couldn’t nag. It was our time. We would plan what we wanted to do and where to go. I loved the fact he always had some little story as to why he wanted to go someplace or other.
I sat and cried for ages this morning, hiding in the kitchen with my coffee, listening to all the sad songs that remind me of him. Looking at his empty chair and empty cup and trying not to let lill miss (3yr) and lill man (6yr) see or hear my wailing.
Luckily baby bear (17yr) wasn’t home to see it either. She’s struggling more than she will tell me and it breaks my heart to not be able to help her.
I feel like the worst mum in the world because I can’t deal with my own pain and deal with theirs. I can’t even imagine how they feel, Lee was such a huge part of their lives too even if it was only for a year.
Today we are surviving, just!
Blankets, biscuits and CBeebies.